So this was supposed to be a birthday post and how happy I’ve been for the past 23 years and what I wished I would change but honest to god. I didn’t know how to start this and I may or may not be drunk or tipsy writing this. (No seriously I am sober … I promise ) I mean the title of this post says it all. Alice and wonderland you do me wonders. I do apologize for the rambles and all the typos you will be seeing here shortly I mean it is 2 am.
So here goes nothing. What would I change.? Omg nothing !!! I have a great life. Let me tell you the best thing that could of happened to me was having my adorable child no lie he saved me from myself. Being a single mom is hard but well worth it. Why am I a single mom, you might ask.? Well let’s see he’s father and I didn’t work out but I know you guys hear that all the time. We were young and naive and stupid thinking we loved each other which I mean we did at some point but in order to stay together with someone or see a future with that person you two have to see life the same way & work like hell to get there. He is a great person yeah the guy I fell for was a great amazing person which I know if we both wanted to be with one other we probably would of been married by now. Trust me I know I asked him last year on my birthday.! Lol. Crazy right. We split 4 years ago going on 5 and he took me out last year shocker. However, so not the point. He painted this picture of having a picket fence and being married to one another with possibly having another child by now. Great picture and I wanted that so bad in one point in my life. Lookin back at that now It doesn’t sound that appealing. Don’t get me wrong I would love to be married one day & have another child maybe. But I mean I’m only 23 im living my life. I’m traveling, I’m single and I don’t have to answer to no one but myself. What a relief. Don’t get me wrong relationships are amazing and all but you have to know what you want out of life and if they want the same from you you shouldn’t have to give up pieces of yourself to please them.
They always say your 20s are supposed to be selfish and boy are they right but also what they don’t tell you is you figure out what kind of a person you are and what you want to be as a person. Turing 23 & looking back has made me realize that I know who I want to be with for the rest of my life and it’s not a checklist of how much money you make.? Or the plans you have for the both of us down the road.? But do you see the same life I see 20 years from now.? Do you see mountains and crossing rivers.? Getting down in mudd, mudding, four wheeling, shooting at a gun range, going to hockey games and kayaking rivers.? Do you see exploring the world with me .? It’s not about money or what you wear or what you look like. But how you have your perspective in life.
Last year I went through a pretty rough patch I knew I had to throw away that fantasy of one day being good enough for my ex. & start living the life I wanted to live. And it had paid off in more ways than I ever though possible he will always have a place in my heart as the father of my child but that’s it no more, no less.
Yes, I am a work a holic. I have a full time job that is easy breezy ! I have a part time job that is my career but technically it’s plan B in case plan A doesn’t work out. What is plan A.? Idk yet all I know is it better consist of traveling, eating, drinking champagne & shopping. Ugh the life. On top of all that I have a little toddler who is a full time job which I love and I can easily say I’m horrible at. But come on, I’f your a mom out there even if your married and have it together can you honestly fucking say you know what the hell you are doing .? & if you are OMG you are my role model hands down you are. I give you props ! Oh, I also do currently 50$ photoshoots I turned my lovely hobby as a mini business to see how that goes no expectations just doing something I love.
The struggle of waking up everyMonday morning for work and not doing laundry for two weeks and just buying new underwear because you just don’t like the sound of day off is “chore day”. Oh no. Forget business casual, it’s casual day at the office every day. No make up days are the best and let’s not forget bun day.! I live for those days. Specially when back to school is around the corner. Omg.! Life savers ! Also wine days after work kicking off those nasty shoes in the drive way and just laying in bed now those are the days I look forward too. Right .?
As you can see I run a pretty hectic, hectic week/ life. On top of that recently, you will be proud of me I made some time to have a social life and be a full time mom to my toddler of a monster I like to call. He really isn’t bad at all he’s perfect. ( but as moms we all say that) Say what !!!! Yes you guessed right. But don’t think it’s the omg it’s date night with some total hot stranger I meet at the bar. Ahhh hell to the no ! I don’t like wasting my time anymore ( thank the ex for that) my social calendar includes, bar hoping with friends and being complete idiots.if that includes day drinking pencil me in. I haven’t given up on dating I’m just like ehh, if it comes it will come unexpected and without trying he will have to fall for me as I am. Let’s not forget I am in my early 20s and just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I can’t experience that with my non parent friends who by the way are amazing they kick the stress right off me.
Guys, ugh boys. I think I’ve wasted my time enough in that area. Idk about you but if you live off your parents and your a guy who wants to date and you brag about how much money you make. Get out of here like now.! No one gives a crap about how much you make. Talk to me about what your passion is what makes you laugh. What you truly see. I don’t wanna know about the corporate you. I mean this isn’t a job interview and your expecting to score ! Woohooo! Take your ass home ! I want passion! Ambition.! Reality you. Not figures. If you see what I see it’s a home run. 😉
So inspite of all of this, I look back and see I have a pretty kick ass life.! It’s not perfect but it’s truly amazing I’ve accomplished so much on my own took a step back and figured it out all over again. I’ve tried new things I never thought I would be good at. I drowned myself in work and it has paid off. I’m a bad mom whom my child loves. Specially when I make him dance it out and sing he’s lungs out in the car. I found what I’m truly passionate about and what makes me well me. And if you think I’m a heartless bitch so be it. I’m happier than I have ever been. I party my ass off, I work my ass off and most of all I’m doing everything I never saw myself doing and well that says a lot and means a lot in my eyes. So cheers, here’s to screwing up some more and seeing what’s in store because let’s face it no one knows. 🍾 all I know is we all kick ass, so pat yourself in the back and pop that bubbly you deserve it.