Sometimes you have to step back, let someone take charge of your life and say let’s change it for the better. I know lately all of my post have been about looking back & seeing how different it is now. Two weeks ago I was extermly sick, my body was covered in hives I wasn’t sleeping. I was overly exhausted to the point where if I didn’t get treated in time I could of had a stroke or even worse. So I let them take charge of my life for a bit made changes and stopped drinking coffee I know what is wrong in that picture I live for coffee seriously I did I would get headaches or anxiety from not having a cup of coffee.  one week without it and I’m sleeping again  and no stress and I feel amazing. So is made me think. 

 There’s  a lot of things I’ve done in the past I’m not proud of and I want to change them. Sometimes it’s just to late to repair that my toddler  sure taught me some lessons lately specially about who he wants in he’s life and who he doesn’t want in he’s. He’s excuse is ” I’m too busy right now” yeah can you believe my little toddler saying that to me when I ask him certain things if he wants to do he comes up with ” not today, maybe tomorrow” or ” their too busy right now.” They are like little sponges just soaking everything in. 

You make be thinking.” Shouldn’t it be the other way around ” let me tell you working with elderly people during the day and then pediatrics at night sure does open your eyes you learn more from them than anyone else or what your parents have taught you. No lie. I’ve learned so much this year it’s crazy how better and more liberated I’ve felt more than ever. Because it’s okay to mess up and have a past your not proud of but are you repeating it over and over again? 

Children have taught me to be selfish sometimes to take care of yourself. To be all about the “me,me and me” to try new things and see how well it goes. Elderly people have taught me to hope to keep that glimpse of hope because it’s never too late to hope and have faith, if you have an open heart and truly believe it. but it’s also healthy to close certain doors on certain people who don’t deserve nor fight for you. If they give up Easily they never loved you they loved the idea of you. Don’t forget it’s two different things To love like there’s no tomorrow but also know who you are loving and if they are worth the changes you are making. That you will always have that person who no matter what they do or don’t do you will always love them continuously and it’s okay to shut that door their good / bad memories but you learn from them. Lastly, to let go of the past because no matter what karma gets the other person who has harmed you. Whether they see it or not you pay everything in this lifetime because we live in borrowed time so live it wisely. Age doesn’t make you wise. Things you have gone through and risen above for make you wise no matter what age you are. 

So here it goes, I have closed many doors to the point where I thought I was wrong for many reasons I blamed myself but then I started to see the little things I would ignore. 1. Are they patterns.? 2. Do I want this to continue.? 3. Is it healthy for my soul.? 4. Is this what I truly want.? Always trust your gut feeling. There’s only so many chances you can give to someone but if you don’t notice the small things. It will never stop. 

So let’s go back to closing doors. I follow these guidelines and think to myself will I be happier without them. When I received a text message this Tuesday before I would get upset and say “wow, really you forgot!!” Now I just look at  delete it, take a deep breath and ignore it. Out of sight out of mind truly it does work and made me feel better knowing some people just don’t change but I have.  If they don’t make something / someone a priority when it should be instead of other people or other things they truly don’t really care about it. So why waste good energy on sayin something smart or replying. After so many chances I’ve given after so many arguments I’ve had in the past about the same thing and all that person does is the same thing with no effort but they remembers when it’s convinet of course your going to stop caring and stop believing in them. 

Then I think long term, is it for the best.? I came home to my little toddler and he says the most randomest things instantly it hits me. Your teaching me things I never thought were possible.

 I love motherhood it’s made me a better person it’s taught me ,so much and it will continue to teach me more throughout life. People just like children are a blessing in desguise. I know everyone says that but if you don’t feel  immediate joy in someone / something then they don’t belong there. That also goes for the saying if you don’t think of them if they don’t pop in your mind in certain situations then they don’t belong there it’s also true. You learn and you keep on learning. 

The question is, are you taking it in.? Are you changing for you.? Are you happy.? Do you want to change .? It’s that simple. 

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