Giving up 

Sometimes giving up can be so liberating

This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Let’s talk about giving up. You grow up knowing giving up is not an option that you have to try, and try again. Over and over. Never give up. But they never talk to you about giving up on people. We were raised to forgive people even when they have wronged us. However, what happens when you have given every little piece of yourself to someone who doesn’t value it.? What if you try in multiple ways to get someone to care about their own child, over their own selfish circumstances and they just don’t seem to care.? It’s hard to just walk away. I tend to believe the best in people and I tend to be very naive that is my downfall but I also know how to forgive those who have wronged us and that is my strength. Tonight, I am making a every powerful choice to walk away with my child from someone who just isn’t reliable, who is not consistent and who is hurting my child. Over work, his relationship, his selfish wants. Yet, it’s one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yet, it’s liberating making this decision. You can’t erase someone or click the delete button. Yet, what if they slowly have done that for them selves. My son told me something very powerful today that almost made me cry. 

It’s always been the two of us. You are my only family and I am yours. We don’t need anyone else. I know who my daddy is and it’s okay if he doesn’t want to be a family. I don’t need it. I want it. But you are my mommy and the best mommy ever. 

Broke my heart but made me realize. Even though he misses him. It’s not his “job” to look for him. It’s his job as a father to ask. To learn who his son is and it’s no longer up to me to inform him. His world is being shaped so differently from others. His mind is expanding and some how he sees things I sometimes fail to notice. I would give anything for his father to actually try to be there for him. It’s not up to me. So tonight, I am giving up on someone I used to love, on someone I used to know, on someone I once believed in so much even when I stated to him I didn’t, on someone who one day will be an amazing father if he would get over his own fears, on someone I know can be so amazing yet a great man one day. I hope he becomes the man I know he can be. As for me. I give up on the person I once used to know. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s