Sometimes creativity flows, sometimes its hard to find it. Lately i have hit a slump of where to take this, I believe this is something that relates to one self. Sometimes i catch myself not knowing who i am. Other days i find myself knowing exactly who i am. It’s a battle. I have worked so hard on myself for the past 3 years in balancing my work life, my mom life and having little time for a personal life. I have found things i never thought i would be passionate about. I finally admitted feelings i was trying to hide for someone. I also know, I find myself caring way too than i might ought too. I find myself not knowing who i am when i get upset and voice my feelings when others do not find it okay. I find myself not knowing who i am for letting people guilt trip me for their actions. Yet, i find freedom in expressing myself. I find myself thinking i dont want to be like most people fighting for no reason just to be right. I am understanding to an extent and i believe in people more than i ought too. I know this. I am kind, caring and sometimes funny and bright. When you get to actually know me. I am not always soo uptight like i seem to be. I have morals and when i try to strive away from them to do what everyone else is doing i find myself hating myself. I cant say those moments didnt bring me happiness and joy because they did they brought me memories i wouldn’t trade in the world. Without them i wouldnt be the person i am today. I can look at myself in the mirror and see someone who is amazingly strong and capable of anything. Its an amazing feeling. To know your worth.
So here i sit, writing away trying to flip a coin on what actions brought me to this choice. Yet, its not an easy choice and its not one i want to make. Why do i feel the guilt, rolling down my face. I used to love my quit house, now i just feel alone in an empty house. I dont think i remember the last time i ever felt this way. It’s been too long. We all fight battles every single day. Mine is no where close to what others are going through currently. Yet, i feel like running. The answer is, Can i live with myself after making this choice.? Will I be okay.? Will i regret it.? Will i still be this person i have fought for to be.? Or will the guilt eat me away.
WE all have a choice to our actions. Its all a matter of knowing. Which one will be right for you. Taking everyone else out of the equation. What are you willing to live with at the end of the day. Will i be OKAY.